I think I thought that I would feel old, maybe a little uncool...definitely more like an "adult." But the truth is I feel more alive, more like "me" really than I did when I turned 20. Maybe because the "me" at 20 was more like the me I thought I should be, and not the me that God created me to be.
There's a big difference.
And it's taken the last 10 years for me to only slightly begin to figure that out.
As i'm taking some time today to reflect back on my 20's, there are a lot of things that, knowing what I know now, I would have changed. But then again, would I really? Because some of those unwise choices, heartaches and struggles certainly have paved the way for me to reach out to Jesus in a real way, and intentionally take a look at who I really am, and who I want to be.
A big part of me feels like the majority of my 20's were a selfish struggle. God, fix me, help me, show me, define me, give me, love me...I've spent the first 30 years of my life trying to figure out and define who I am...how people see me, only to realize that I don't want people to see me at all.
I truly, from the depths of my heart, want them to see Jesus in me.
And so as I step off into this fresh new decade, fully loved and fully aware in who God designed me to be, I want to change the word from "me" to "You". God, how can I love You, serve You, desire You, reflect You more in all I do.
I am so grateful for where i've been, where I am now and where I am headed...and for all the amazing people God has placed in my path along the way.
I am grateful that God is much more creative than I am, because His plan for my life so far has been WAY cooler than what I tried to map out.
I am grateful for way too many things to list in this blog.
I am grateful.